February 14th, 2010
Cells calming down (Post Treatment update)
I finished radiation on January 20th barely crawling through the last days. My darling daughter wrote me a note every day the last eight days, leaving them with the nurse. I would start crying every time. She wisely encouraged me to think of one person each day that I was doing it for and that really helped me get through. It is hard to describe the numbing fatigue and dark depression and the sheer willpower it took to continue getting my red and raw skin burnt but God gave me the will to finish. I pray that all the treatment will keep me cancer free forever!
The Lord has been good to bring me some great resources for trying to eat a healthy anti-cancer diet. I am making small changes weekly and having fun trying to add some new superfoods to my diet. I am able to exercise most days, swimming or walking and am still seeing a physical therapist to get my range of motion back. I love the medical community in Spokane and am so thankful for all my excellent care givers.
I am slowly gaining my strength and energy back, taking it one day at a time. Each week I notice some improvement but many people say it took them a year to fully recover their energy. My dear mom has been here since Christmas and will leave Wednesday. We are going to California for February break to see my Dad and look at schools for Spencer. When I get back in March I will work to take back all my responsibilities and balance activities according to my energy. I am so thankful for such a supportive, loving husband and family and friends!
We will see the reconstructive surgeon on Friday. Our next big decisions are 1. Whether to have a preventative hysterectomy or not and when 2. When and if to do reconstructive surgery (A ten hour operation!) 3. Whether to commit to going to Europe this summer with Spencer’s class!! (It is hard for me to tell what my energy will be and I would like Tim to go but it may not be wise with his job schedule)
Before the Face of God (Personal Meditations)
As the intense crisis time passes it is interesting to look back and realize there are aspects of the time of affliction that I don’t want to lose. My hunger for God and His word has increased and His word truly has become my joy and delight. Christ has become my treasure and my longing for Heaven is deep. I long to live each day in light of eternity and to maintain my focus on God and His priorities. I do not want to “get ahead of God” as I seek to take back activities and responsibilities. I feel a tension between wanting lots of solitude and meditation time yet wanting to spend time with people and wanting to be fruitful. I still am experiencing a sense of being in an emotional desert and have very little emotional energy. For me the time since surgery has been like post traumatic stress syndrome from which I am slowly recovering. I visited with Nancy Wilson when we went to Moscow to play basketball. She gave me a wonderful word picture for this time. She told me to just be like soil in which God’s seeds have been faithfully planted. I need to just wait and receive the sun (His word and the daily mercies and blessings He has for me) and the rain (The grief that still surfaces and ongoing sense of brokenness) and trust Him for the fruit that He will bring in his time.
I am enjoying reading the last four chapters of Job to increase my sense of the fear of the Lord. This verse has been an anchor for my soul “I know that You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted” Job 42:2
I am also enjoying reading some books by Henri Nouwen. His exhortations in “Life of the Beloved” have been good food for the soul. “The change of which I speak is the change from living life as a painful test to prove that you deserve to be loved, to living it as an unceasing “Yes” to the truth of that belovedness”. As always during affliction our hearts are revealed to us and I have seen much striving in my life trying to prove that I am worth being loved. I am praying for the freedom to know and act out of the truth that I am the beloved of God.
Please Join me in Prayer and Thanksgiving
*Thank God for lifesaving medical treatments and understanding of nutrition and it’s role in healing and health
*Thank God for the help of my mom and the support of friends and family.
*Thank God for the hope of full recovery from cancer
* Thank God for the hope of COMPLETE recovery in heaven!
*Please pray for emotional recovery and for renewed energy
*Please pray for a good balance of trusting God and being a good steward of my body
*Please pray for wisdom as I take back daily responsibilities and activities
“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:12-17
Cells calming down (Post Treatment update)
I finished radiation on January 20th barely crawling through the last days. My darling daughter wrote me a note every day the last eight days, leaving them with the nurse. I would start crying every time. She wisely encouraged me to think of one person each day that I was doing it for and that really helped me get through. It is hard to describe the numbing fatigue and dark depression and the sheer willpower it took to continue getting my red and raw skin burnt but God gave me the will to finish. I pray that all the treatment will keep me cancer free forever!
The Lord has been good to bring me some great resources for trying to eat a healthy anti-cancer diet. I am making small changes weekly and having fun trying to add some new superfoods to my diet. I am able to exercise most days, swimming or walking and am still seeing a physical therapist to get my range of motion back. I love the medical community in Spokane and am so thankful for all my excellent care givers.
I am slowly gaining my strength and energy back, taking it one day at a time. Each week I notice some improvement but many people say it took them a year to fully recover their energy. My dear mom has been here since Christmas and will leave Wednesday. We are going to California for February break to see my Dad and look at schools for Spencer. When I get back in March I will work to take back all my responsibilities and balance activities according to my energy. I am so thankful for such a supportive, loving husband and family and friends!
We will see the reconstructive surgeon on Friday. Our next big decisions are 1. Whether to have a preventative hysterectomy or not and when 2. When and if to do reconstructive surgery (A ten hour operation!) 3. Whether to commit to going to Europe this summer with Spencer’s class!! (It is hard for me to tell what my energy will be and I would like Tim to go but it may not be wise with his job schedule)
Before the Face of God (Personal Meditations)
As the intense crisis time passes it is interesting to look back and realize there are aspects of the time of affliction that I don’t want to lose. My hunger for God and His word has increased and His word truly has become my joy and delight. Christ has become my treasure and my longing for Heaven is deep. I long to live each day in light of eternity and to maintain my focus on God and His priorities. I do not want to “get ahead of God” as I seek to take back activities and responsibilities. I feel a tension between wanting lots of solitude and meditation time yet wanting to spend time with people and wanting to be fruitful. I still am experiencing a sense of being in an emotional desert and have very little emotional energy. For me the time since surgery has been like post traumatic stress syndrome from which I am slowly recovering. I visited with Nancy Wilson when we went to Moscow to play basketball. She gave me a wonderful word picture for this time. She told me to just be like soil in which God’s seeds have been faithfully planted. I need to just wait and receive the sun (His word and the daily mercies and blessings He has for me) and the rain (The grief that still surfaces and ongoing sense of brokenness) and trust Him for the fruit that He will bring in his time.
I am enjoying reading the last four chapters of Job to increase my sense of the fear of the Lord. This verse has been an anchor for my soul “I know that You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted” Job 42:2
I am also enjoying reading some books by Henri Nouwen. His exhortations in “Life of the Beloved” have been good food for the soul. “The change of which I speak is the change from living life as a painful test to prove that you deserve to be loved, to living it as an unceasing “Yes” to the truth of that belovedness”. As always during affliction our hearts are revealed to us and I have seen much striving in my life trying to prove that I am worth being loved. I am praying for the freedom to know and act out of the truth that I am the beloved of God.
Please Join me in Prayer and Thanksgiving
*Thank God for lifesaving medical treatments and understanding of nutrition and it’s role in healing and health
*Thank God for the help of my mom and the support of friends and family.
*Thank God for the hope of full recovery from cancer
* Thank God for the hope of COMPLETE recovery in heaven!
*Please pray for emotional recovery and for renewed energy
*Please pray for a good balance of trusting God and being a good steward of my body
*Please pray for wisdom as I take back daily responsibilities and activities
“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:12-17
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