September 9, 2009
Cells Hopefully Behaving Again (Specifics of Treatment)
Well, we finished my last chemo and what a time of celebration. As the nurse was pulling the needle out of my port I noticed behind the counter another nurse blasting the U2 song “It’s a Beautiful Day” and I thought they were just letting down after a hard day. Soon they were all surrounding me with bubbles, a mug filled with candy and a beautiful certificate they all signed. The whole chemo room was clapping, Margaret was crying and I was rocking out and celebrating. It was a joyous time. I got to give out three cancer books, pray with a fellow chemo patient and fellowship with another. Letting go of chemo, believe it or not is a hard transition. It has been a blessed time of fellowship with all who came to be with me and it is comforting to think that a drug is fighting off cancer cells. It feels very vulnerable to not have that anymore, especially since my body made cancer cells twice. It is wonderful to think that I will not be blasted again in three weeks though and I am looking forward to enjoying a nice Indian summer this September and getting stronger every day!
Before The Face of God (Personal Meditations)
It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, o Most High. To declare Your loving kindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night….for You, O Lord have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands. (Psalm 92:1-2, 4).
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever! His mercies surely have been new every morning. When I think back on this summer and all of His many blessings I am overwhelmed with His love and mercy. I must share a particularly meaningful one. Tim and I and Spencer and Eric had such a wonderful trip to Yellowstone and The Grand Tetons. The weather was spectacular and we were in awe of God’s creative power and genius and playfulness as we saw the dynamic earth bubbling and spouting all around us. The beauty of the Tetons was awe inspiring. We crossed Jenny Lake one day to take a beautiful hike and I, wearing my chemo scarf, stood gazing up at a waterfall when my eye caught some rapellers hanging over a sheer rock cliff high above. I marveled at these brave rock climbers. Suddenly a young woman ran up to me, wrapped me in a huge hug and exclaimed “it is always so good to see a fellow sister!” As she backed away I noticed she was totally flat chested and had very little hair and recognized her as a cancer survivor. She informed me that SHE had just come down that rock cliff and that ALL the climbers were cancer survivors! She introduced me to them as they came off the mountain and they all embraced me with their life, love and laughter. I cried all the way down to the boat and as we waited to be shuttled back they all gathered on the boat dock to catch the next one. Impulsively I jumped off and asked for a picture with all of them. They surrounded me again, one of them planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek and as we sped off they made up a cheer for me telling me I too could beat cancer. The timing of it was so incredible!!!
Some of the other incredible mercies that fill my mind, all of them too numerous to mention are:
God sparing me from any secondary infections
The love and support of so many caring friends and family
The growth in Christ likeness I witnessed in all my children
The faithful love of a husband who loves me as my glory fades
Spencer’s loving words telling me I am the most amazing chemo mom and declaring that I never took my misery out on my family. This was truly a testimony to God’s grace in my life, His power made perfect in weakness.
Our two wonderful family vacations
A fun-filled week with my sister and mom when we worked hard to put lots of the summer’s bounty in the freezer to enjoy this winter. Also, my sister took me on a shopping spree to help me pull my wardrobe together so I could feel pretty after surgery
A friend and her daughter coming over to paint a bedroom wall for me while we were gone. The room is spruced up and looking so nice
Being able to study biblical femininity with a college gal and pulling together a small group of women to continue studying this fall so I can stay grounded in God’s word as I continue to heal emotionally and physically.
The opportunity for God’s words to go out to people through the cancer books and the blog. I have heard from some of Joel’s college friends who have been encouraged through struggles as they read of mine.
Looking back over my prayer list as I read “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray and seeing how God is answering so many of my prayers specifically
Recognizing how God was preparing me all last year, teaching me how to “Preach the Gospel to myself” daily so I could know how to be built up In Him.
Being able to face personal weakness and allow God to work through it, not be so afraid of it.
Learning again and again that we are not validated by our looks or performance. Relishing the amazing truths of the gospel, that we are more sinful and flawed than we know and at the same time more loved and welcomed than we can imagine. God’s love is a gift we can never earn!!!!
Please join me in Thanksgiving for the above and in the following Petitions:
*Please pray that I will continue to take my thoughts captive as chemo ends and I anticipate the next phase of treatment. Pray that I will trust in God’s future grace to uphold me as it has been all along.
* Please pray as I am experiencing some pretty strong grief, I think finally letting down after fighting hard all summer. I am grieving the loss of good health and the changes that will come with surgery. Pray that I will process my emotions biblically and bring everything to God in prayer.
* Please pray that I will continue to be protected from other illness and infection
* Please pray that all cancer cells will be gone and that God will grant me many more years of fruitfulness on the earth
* Please pray that I will trust God for fun and fellowship as my activity level is curtailed. Pray that I will still feel useful and needed as it is more blessed to give than to receive.
* Please pray that the gospel will continue to feed my soul and that I will experience peace and rest as I wait on God’s perfect will
* Please pray for the opportunity for me to share the gospel with a friend who is facing cancer currently.
Cells Hopefully Behaving Again (Specifics of Treatment)
Well, we finished my last chemo and what a time of celebration. As the nurse was pulling the needle out of my port I noticed behind the counter another nurse blasting the U2 song “It’s a Beautiful Day” and I thought they were just letting down after a hard day. Soon they were all surrounding me with bubbles, a mug filled with candy and a beautiful certificate they all signed. The whole chemo room was clapping, Margaret was crying and I was rocking out and celebrating. It was a joyous time. I got to give out three cancer books, pray with a fellow chemo patient and fellowship with another. Letting go of chemo, believe it or not is a hard transition. It has been a blessed time of fellowship with all who came to be with me and it is comforting to think that a drug is fighting off cancer cells. It feels very vulnerable to not have that anymore, especially since my body made cancer cells twice. It is wonderful to think that I will not be blasted again in three weeks though and I am looking forward to enjoying a nice Indian summer this September and getting stronger every day!
Before The Face of God (Personal Meditations)
It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, o Most High. To declare Your loving kindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night….for You, O Lord have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands. (Psalm 92:1-2, 4).
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever! His mercies surely have been new every morning. When I think back on this summer and all of His many blessings I am overwhelmed with His love and mercy. I must share a particularly meaningful one. Tim and I and Spencer and Eric had such a wonderful trip to Yellowstone and The Grand Tetons. The weather was spectacular and we were in awe of God’s creative power and genius and playfulness as we saw the dynamic earth bubbling and spouting all around us. The beauty of the Tetons was awe inspiring. We crossed Jenny Lake one day to take a beautiful hike and I, wearing my chemo scarf, stood gazing up at a waterfall when my eye caught some rapellers hanging over a sheer rock cliff high above. I marveled at these brave rock climbers. Suddenly a young woman ran up to me, wrapped me in a huge hug and exclaimed “it is always so good to see a fellow sister!” As she backed away I noticed she was totally flat chested and had very little hair and recognized her as a cancer survivor. She informed me that SHE had just come down that rock cliff and that ALL the climbers were cancer survivors! She introduced me to them as they came off the mountain and they all embraced me with their life, love and laughter. I cried all the way down to the boat and as we waited to be shuttled back they all gathered on the boat dock to catch the next one. Impulsively I jumped off and asked for a picture with all of them. They surrounded me again, one of them planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek and as we sped off they made up a cheer for me telling me I too could beat cancer. The timing of it was so incredible!!!
Some of the other incredible mercies that fill my mind, all of them too numerous to mention are:
God sparing me from any secondary infections
The love and support of so many caring friends and family
The growth in Christ likeness I witnessed in all my children
The faithful love of a husband who loves me as my glory fades
Spencer’s loving words telling me I am the most amazing chemo mom and declaring that I never took my misery out on my family. This was truly a testimony to God’s grace in my life, His power made perfect in weakness.
Our two wonderful family vacations
A fun-filled week with my sister and mom when we worked hard to put lots of the summer’s bounty in the freezer to enjoy this winter. Also, my sister took me on a shopping spree to help me pull my wardrobe together so I could feel pretty after surgery
A friend and her daughter coming over to paint a bedroom wall for me while we were gone. The room is spruced up and looking so nice
Being able to study biblical femininity with a college gal and pulling together a small group of women to continue studying this fall so I can stay grounded in God’s word as I continue to heal emotionally and physically.
The opportunity for God’s words to go out to people through the cancer books and the blog. I have heard from some of Joel’s college friends who have been encouraged through struggles as they read of mine.
Looking back over my prayer list as I read “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray and seeing how God is answering so many of my prayers specifically
Recognizing how God was preparing me all last year, teaching me how to “Preach the Gospel to myself” daily so I could know how to be built up In Him.
Being able to face personal weakness and allow God to work through it, not be so afraid of it.
Learning again and again that we are not validated by our looks or performance. Relishing the amazing truths of the gospel, that we are more sinful and flawed than we know and at the same time more loved and welcomed than we can imagine. God’s love is a gift we can never earn!!!!
Please join me in Thanksgiving for the above and in the following Petitions:
*Please pray that I will continue to take my thoughts captive as chemo ends and I anticipate the next phase of treatment. Pray that I will trust in God’s future grace to uphold me as it has been all along.
* Please pray as I am experiencing some pretty strong grief, I think finally letting down after fighting hard all summer. I am grieving the loss of good health and the changes that will come with surgery. Pray that I will process my emotions biblically and bring everything to God in prayer.
* Please pray that I will continue to be protected from other illness and infection
* Please pray that all cancer cells will be gone and that God will grant me many more years of fruitfulness on the earth
* Please pray that I will trust God for fun and fellowship as my activity level is curtailed. Pray that I will still feel useful and needed as it is more blessed to give than to receive.
* Please pray that the gospel will continue to feed my soul and that I will experience peace and rest as I wait on God’s perfect will
* Please pray for the opportunity for me to share the gospel with a friend who is facing cancer currently.
