October 13, 2009
Cells Hopefully Behaving Again (Specifics of Treatment)
Wahoo! Surgery is behind us! It went extremely well and I am physically healing very well. I am off all pain medications. I was not prepared for the enormous impact of the procedure on my sense of physical, emotional and spiritual well being. I am bound up very tightly in the chest and it is a very oppressive and claustrophobic feeling. It is hard to relax or feel comfortable but it is important to keep this bandage on until all my drains are out. I feel a huge sense of grief which I think will just take time to get over so I am trying to be patient. Having to keep my arms perfectly quiet means I have no stress relief such as swimming or doing household tasks. Because I don’t do a lot physically during the day it is hard to sleep at night and it is very hard to get comfortable. It feels a bit like post traumatic stress syndrome!!!
In the midst of all this I am being extremely well cared for. Tim remains a most dear and faithful husband. He looks at me lovingly, tells me I am beautiful and says “Now I can hug you even closer!” Sigh! True love beats romanticism any time. My dear friend Sue who is a nurse from Wenatchee came to be with us in the hospital. We realized we have been friends for 26 years and though we have lived apart since our years at Multnomah School of the Bible God has woven our lives together in many ways through the years. Her son got married last year to Amber and my recovery nurse immediately after surgery was Amber’s aunt! She is a Christian and said I was an inspiration to her which goes to show God works best through our weakness because I have no recollection of anything I said or did but I know I was not feeling very chipper!
A friend from church has faithfully come over to help with my dressings, bring us eggs from her chickens and freshly baked healthy bread and muffins. Margaret comes by daily and does whatever needs doing as well as teaching me to play piano. Mom continues to cook and clean daily with an amazingly cheerful attitude. When she filled in to change my dressings I made her promise if I let her take on this task she would let me help her someday if she is ill or infirm. Somehow I don’t think she will be as docile of a patient as I am!!! She agreed though. Dear mothers from the Oaks filled my freezer with casseroles so that has helped a lot with the meals. I know many many others are faithfully praying and are respecting our request to keep things very quiet around here to help me rest and heal.
This forced isolation was not sufficient to keep the flu out of our midst. Tim came down with some form on Thursday night and was in bed for three days straight. This has meant no hugs, keeping far apart and sleeping in separate rooms. In addition to this he started Jury duty on Monday!! As my friend whose son has Leukemia said when I told her this….OF COURSE! It seems she has experienced this same clustering of inconveniences during her son’s treatment.
It is looking like two of my drains will be able to come out in a week but two will probably stay in longer. Until then no showers. UGG!!!
Before the Face of God (Personal Meditations)
In the midst of all this I am still keenly aware of God’s intimate involvement and care. The other night I was asking Him to help me get at the root of my grief. It seems to be much bigger than just the results of surgery. His word came to me with such force it almost seemed to be an audible voice, though it wasn’t. The truth “I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly” resonated through me. I went to sleep meditating on this and asking Him to show me what constitutes this abundant life. I didn’t seem to be experiencing it!!!
The next day as I continued to meditate on the verse and read a pamphlet on suffering by a Christian counselor I realized that many of the losses in life are things which we think are what constitute LIFE. This summer I have had friends who have children with cancer, have lost a son, have had a major heart attack and the list goes on. I also know of people who seem to have everything yet are still despondent, angry, sad and unsatisfied. I began to understand that if we try to find LIFE anywhere outside of Jesus we will be disappointed. If a good gift of God is taken away from us and we thought it was the source of LIFE our grief will be much greater than simply losing something that gave us great pleasure.. My grief has been lifted a bit as I ponder that, in the midst of loss and suffering, I have abundant life.
Yet, how do I appropriate it? By claiming all He has promised me in His word because I am His child. I have started praying the promises daily. I think many times we live as paupers not realizing what a great inheritance has been given us in Christ. I look forward to God opening my spiritual eyes to what this abundant life is I have in Christ. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians1:3)
The other HUGE lesson that seems so hard to learn is just BEING. I don’t realize how much my identity is based on doing until I am forced to BE STILL while others joyfully minister to me and show me such love. It seems humiliating to me yet God wants me to just receive it with joy!!! Human pride is so insidious!! I have never felt as vulnerable as I do when my daughter is helping me with my sponge bath and dressings. I call it my daily humiliation. Yet Christ washed his servant’s feet and said if they did not allow him to do it they had no part in him. This takes huge processing within my soul to enjoy being served for so long by so many. Yet God wants to serve us in this way every minute.
Please join me in Praise and Thanksgiving
* THANK YOU DEAR JULIE FOR YOUR DAILY POSTS TO GET ME THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK AFTER SURGERY. MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU!
*Praise God for a successful surgery and such a skilled surgeon. Also for a pathology report which indicated no cancer on the left, none in the lymph nodes on the right, some residual tumor in the right breast but far from the chest wall and very slow growing. This means the chemo did its job systemically and having the mastectomy was a good decision to get the rest of the tumor out!
*Praise God for His continued unceasing ministry to us through His word, His Spirit and His people.
*please pray that my fluid levels will go down so I can get the drains out soon.
*Please pray for my dear father who will be having surgery to take some cancer out of his bladder and to explore a small tumor in his pancreas
*Please pray for Tim’s mom as she struggles with health issues
*Please pray that I will learn the lessons God has for me from being still, receiving His love unconditionally and believing all He has given me for abundant life.
*Please pray that God continues to strengthen my primary caregivers and all those who have come alongside us
*PLEASE PRAY THAT GOD WILL USE THIS TO FURTHER HIS KINGDOM AND BRING GLORY TO HIS NAME
Cells Hopefully Behaving Again (Specifics of Treatment)
Wahoo! Surgery is behind us! It went extremely well and I am physically healing very well. I am off all pain medications. I was not prepared for the enormous impact of the procedure on my sense of physical, emotional and spiritual well being. I am bound up very tightly in the chest and it is a very oppressive and claustrophobic feeling. It is hard to relax or feel comfortable but it is important to keep this bandage on until all my drains are out. I feel a huge sense of grief which I think will just take time to get over so I am trying to be patient. Having to keep my arms perfectly quiet means I have no stress relief such as swimming or doing household tasks. Because I don’t do a lot physically during the day it is hard to sleep at night and it is very hard to get comfortable. It feels a bit like post traumatic stress syndrome!!!
In the midst of all this I am being extremely well cared for. Tim remains a most dear and faithful husband. He looks at me lovingly, tells me I am beautiful and says “Now I can hug you even closer!” Sigh! True love beats romanticism any time. My dear friend Sue who is a nurse from Wenatchee came to be with us in the hospital. We realized we have been friends for 26 years and though we have lived apart since our years at Multnomah School of the Bible God has woven our lives together in many ways through the years. Her son got married last year to Amber and my recovery nurse immediately after surgery was Amber’s aunt! She is a Christian and said I was an inspiration to her which goes to show God works best through our weakness because I have no recollection of anything I said or did but I know I was not feeling very chipper!
A friend from church has faithfully come over to help with my dressings, bring us eggs from her chickens and freshly baked healthy bread and muffins. Margaret comes by daily and does whatever needs doing as well as teaching me to play piano. Mom continues to cook and clean daily with an amazingly cheerful attitude. When she filled in to change my dressings I made her promise if I let her take on this task she would let me help her someday if she is ill or infirm. Somehow I don’t think she will be as docile of a patient as I am!!! She agreed though. Dear mothers from the Oaks filled my freezer with casseroles so that has helped a lot with the meals. I know many many others are faithfully praying and are respecting our request to keep things very quiet around here to help me rest and heal.
This forced isolation was not sufficient to keep the flu out of our midst. Tim came down with some form on Thursday night and was in bed for three days straight. This has meant no hugs, keeping far apart and sleeping in separate rooms. In addition to this he started Jury duty on Monday!! As my friend whose son has Leukemia said when I told her this….OF COURSE! It seems she has experienced this same clustering of inconveniences during her son’s treatment.
It is looking like two of my drains will be able to come out in a week but two will probably stay in longer. Until then no showers. UGG!!!
Before the Face of God (Personal Meditations)
In the midst of all this I am still keenly aware of God’s intimate involvement and care. The other night I was asking Him to help me get at the root of my grief. It seems to be much bigger than just the results of surgery. His word came to me with such force it almost seemed to be an audible voice, though it wasn’t. The truth “I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly” resonated through me. I went to sleep meditating on this and asking Him to show me what constitutes this abundant life. I didn’t seem to be experiencing it!!!
The next day as I continued to meditate on the verse and read a pamphlet on suffering by a Christian counselor I realized that many of the losses in life are things which we think are what constitute LIFE. This summer I have had friends who have children with cancer, have lost a son, have had a major heart attack and the list goes on. I also know of people who seem to have everything yet are still despondent, angry, sad and unsatisfied. I began to understand that if we try to find LIFE anywhere outside of Jesus we will be disappointed. If a good gift of God is taken away from us and we thought it was the source of LIFE our grief will be much greater than simply losing something that gave us great pleasure.. My grief has been lifted a bit as I ponder that, in the midst of loss and suffering, I have abundant life.
Yet, how do I appropriate it? By claiming all He has promised me in His word because I am His child. I have started praying the promises daily. I think many times we live as paupers not realizing what a great inheritance has been given us in Christ. I look forward to God opening my spiritual eyes to what this abundant life is I have in Christ. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians1:3)
The other HUGE lesson that seems so hard to learn is just BEING. I don’t realize how much my identity is based on doing until I am forced to BE STILL while others joyfully minister to me and show me such love. It seems humiliating to me yet God wants me to just receive it with joy!!! Human pride is so insidious!! I have never felt as vulnerable as I do when my daughter is helping me with my sponge bath and dressings. I call it my daily humiliation. Yet Christ washed his servant’s feet and said if they did not allow him to do it they had no part in him. This takes huge processing within my soul to enjoy being served for so long by so many. Yet God wants to serve us in this way every minute.
Please join me in Praise and Thanksgiving
* THANK YOU DEAR JULIE FOR YOUR DAILY POSTS TO GET ME THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK AFTER SURGERY. MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU!
*Praise God for a successful surgery and such a skilled surgeon. Also for a pathology report which indicated no cancer on the left, none in the lymph nodes on the right, some residual tumor in the right breast but far from the chest wall and very slow growing. This means the chemo did its job systemically and having the mastectomy was a good decision to get the rest of the tumor out!
*Praise God for His continued unceasing ministry to us through His word, His Spirit and His people.
*please pray that my fluid levels will go down so I can get the drains out soon.
*Please pray for my dear father who will be having surgery to take some cancer out of his bladder and to explore a small tumor in his pancreas
*Please pray for Tim’s mom as she struggles with health issues
*Please pray that I will learn the lessons God has for me from being still, receiving His love unconditionally and believing all He has given me for abundant life.
*Please pray that God continues to strengthen my primary caregivers and all those who have come alongside us
*PLEASE PRAY THAT GOD WILL USE THIS TO FURTHER HIS KINGDOM AND BRING GLORY TO HIS NAME
I have eagerly been checking your blog and am so glad to find your post here. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey and know that it always encourages me. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I am on bed rest and appreciate your comments on accepting help with thankfulness and cheerfulness. There is a sweet lady from our church cleaning our bathroom right now and her daughter is playing games with kids. And I am smiling and enjoying the work of the saints around me!!
ReplyDeleteLove you and miss you,
Erin Farley
What a wonderful update from you and SO encouraging to my heart. Once again you have blessed me spiritually and encouraged me to press on faithfully for our King. THANK YOU!
ReplyDeletePRAISE GOD for the path reports and confirmation that your surgery was indeed the way to go. Now we pray for fluid levels to go down, your heart as you walk the path of grieving, and for rest for you at night, even when inactive during the daytime.
Loving you across the miles and know I am always praying!
Julie
Mrs. Ansett, what a joy and encouragement you are. It was such a blessing for me to see you, walk with you, converse with you this morning. Thank you for loving me and ministering to me even while you are walking through your trial. What a shining light to the glory of God you are! You simply looked beautiful, and I just wanted to cry when I saw your lovely smile today.
ReplyDeleteWe are continuing to pray for you. We will not cease. We pray for God's continued grace and healing upon your body, and the eradication of even one single remaining cancer cell. We pray that the fluid levels will go down and you can get tubes out and dressings lessened and take showers to help you feel clean and lovely. :) We are also praying for the grief you must suffer, and the adjustment. We know that the Lord Himself will be your Comforter, and we simply pray that He will make His presence very real to you each day, each moment. And in those hard-to-sit-still or hard-to-sleep moments, may His words continue etching themselves deeper and deeper into your heart.
Your beauty astounds me. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with us through this journey of God's grace to you.
Lovingly and prayerfully, Melissa Cummings
This is a place of blessings to see how deeply loved and valuable you are to all your dear friends. (Melissa is wise beyond her years.)
ReplyDeleteWe do pray for you to keep pressing forward. Lean into his everlasting and strong arms. Psm 86:12-13 With Love, Katrina