August 1, 2009
Cells Behaving Badly (Specifics of Treatment)
“Well, what are you planning to do? Just die? Or what?” Hannah rants at her husband Nathan in the elegantly written novel Hannah Coulter, after they discover he has cancer throughout his body. Nathan’s simple plan resonated deeply with me “Dear Hannah, I’m going to live right on. Dying is none of my business. Dying will have to take care of itself.”
And that is what I have been doing!! If a calm meditative state is necessary for healing I do not have a chance. On chemo day I was accompanied by my dear niece Angela from Iowa. My heart was torn as I could not accompany Eric who was playing in the District golf finals in Pullman. Joel joined us and we had an emotional reunion in the chemo room with Margaret and Charlie who returned that day from their month long road trip. The nurse had trouble getting the needle in my port as it had flipped in my chest so a surgeon came and flipped it back around. After chemo we raced home for dinner and went to watch Spencer pitch a dramatic baseball game for the City Championship. They lost by one point and it all came down to the very last pitch!!! We all stole away for a night at Priest Lake to celebrate my birthday. Then it was time to pack up and go to Bellevue to watch Eric play golf in the State Finals as Spencer again pitched for the State baseball finals. Spencer’s team lost their first two games and Eric played valiantly in the hottest weather in history for the Seattle area but did not make the cut to play in the final round. He came in 13th in the state but only the top nine made the cut. I was able to walk 18 holes on the day it was 103 degrees and 9 holes the next day. God is good to give me strength when I need it!!!
Meanwhile we found out from the BRACA test that I do not have the “cancer gene” which is great news for me and my daughter, mother and sister but does not really change our treatment plan.
I get to wait four weeks between chemos this time so we can take a family vacation to Priest Lake so I am looking forward to feeling well for a full two weeks Lord willing.!!

Before the Face of God (Personal Meditations)
Someone mentioned that they thought I was very brave. I do not feel particularly brave and especially I do not feel brave about the upcoming surgery on Oct. 5th. I was asking the Lord to make me brave and was helped by one of the meditations in the devotional I am reading daily “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry…And He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God.” Ps. 40:1-3

Murray points out that the word patience is derived from the Latin word for suffering. It suggests the thought of being under the constraint of some power from which we long to be free. Rather than resisting, patient endurance is our wisest course. We must lovingly and joyfully submit because we know we are in the hands of our blessed Father. This is something I can do NOW, in this current moment. I can practice patiently enduring, trusting God for the strength to patiently endure whatever comes the next moment, hour, day or month. Murray goes on to point out that this patience is a grace for which we need God to strengthen us. We can ask for this much needed grace. Listen to Paul’s prayer for the Colossians.

“ For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects , bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; STRENGTHENED WITH ALL POWER, ACCORDING TO HIS GLORIOUS MIGHT FOR THE ATTAINING OF ALL STEADFASTNESS AND PATIENCE; joyously giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.”

We need the power of God at work in our lives in order to be steadfast and patient! Being brave is nothing more than being able to patiently endure something we are afraid of and in God’s economy we know that there is really nothing to be afraid of in this world because He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.

Please pray that as surgery gets closer I will practice joyful and patient endurance each moment and that God will reveal Himself more and more to me.

Thanksgiving and Prayer
*Thank God for the fruitful summer He has given us. The golf course is in the best shape it has ever been and Tim continues to be a rock solid amazing husband. I have been able to continue serving my family, the boys have had great success in sports and their character on the playing field has drawn attention to the praise of God, Joel has had fruitful ministry with friends, co-workers, and at basketball camp and Margaret and Charlie continue to grow in oneness and winsomeness in their beautiful marriage.
*Praise God for my chemo nurse who is giving out the “Spiritual Survival Guide for Cancer Patients” book to those the Holy Spirit leads her to. Pray that God would encourage many and bring many to Himself as they read His words and Gospel.
*Please pray as the boys attend and serve at our church’s music camp this week. Pray that they will grow in their skill to sing praise to our mighty God!
*Please pray for our family vacation that I will have stamina to bless my family with good meals, that God will keep us safe and give us good fellowship as we prepare to say goodbye to Joel on August 24th
*Please pray the Colossians prayer for our whole family
*Please pray that I will patiently endure and have peace about upcoming surgery and radiation